I think I need a change.  It's my heart, you see.  I don't know how fast my heart is supposed to be beating.  It seems like it's beating too fast.  I feel anxious.  I don't think it's good.  I was lying in bed a few hours ago and my heart just seemed like it was pounding much too fast.  I wasn't doing anything, I hadn't been moving, working or anything.  It's a little worrisome, actually.  I just woke a few minutes ago, and it seemed like it was still racing. I was starting to think about it more, and worry more and I think that, in itself, made it beat even faster.

I just clocked it using a metronome, and it looks like it's ticking around 75 bpm. I just read online while typing this up that normal adult 'resting pulse' is 60-100 bpm.  So, I guess I'm okay.  Perhaps I was just panicking.  I'm feeling better now.  Maybe I was having an active dream and it really got my heart going?  Regardless…  I think it's time for some changes. I think it's time I cut out caffeine from my diet.  It's not good for me.  I had quite a bit today, and I'm sure that affected my situation tonight.  Working the night shift really has me drinking  a lot of Diet Pepsi during my "day".  But I only have one more week of this, then I'm back on the day shift.  However, coffee is free at work and I am usually pretty hopped up by noon. 

I've got to try to make some changes in my diet, my overall well being.  I'm not a kid anymore.  I'm 37.  I may feel younger than that, but that doesn't change the fact the my heart is been pounding in my chest, nonstop for 37 years.  37 YEARS!  I gotta make it a little easier on the little guy. Sorry, heart.

I think this change has to happen in stages though… I don't think I can do all this at once.  So, this might be the order of business for me… (as decided by me, the non medical professional)

*First, I've got to cut out caffeine.  DPs, coffee, even tea has got to go.  This will be very hard as my daily routine is ruled by my drug of choice.  I'm going to have to replace it with water, and more water.  Soft drinks will need to be sugar-free and caffeine-free.  I've already started drinking more fruit and vegetable juices. 
*Second, I've also got to go and get a physical done, blood work, cholesterol checked, the whole nine.  I haven't been in years… many, many years. I think the last 'physical' I had was probably when I was around… 20 years old?  Although, I did my have my cholesterol checked a year or so ago at work, and they said I wasn't doing too bad.  They said my bad cholesterol was a little high, but my good cholesterol was a bit high also.  So it didn't exactly cancel out the bad stuff, but it could have been worse. 
*Third, I've got to start exercising to some degree… something.  I don't think Wii Sports counts.  Even though, I just scored a 197 in Wii bowling (I'm pretty proud of myself).  Maybe power walking around the block… maybe jogging… something might be better for me.
*Fourth, I've got to eat less of the foods that are bad for me, and more of the foods that are good for me.  This won't be easy because I don't enjoy eating a lot of food that is good for me.  I'm going to have to start trying new things.  I'm not saying I'm cutting out pizza and burgers completely…  but a slab of grilled chicken might be a better choice than a burger.  Maybe turkey burgers are in my future.  Vegetables are just so terribly terrible.  But maybe there's some out there than I can handle. I've got to start trying. 

I think this will all take some time because I've got to start creating new habits, and do new things.  But, this is a change that I have to do.  Me.

Both of my parents passed away before they hit 70 because they didn't take care of themselves.  My dad's diet was far worse than mine.  He had bacon every damn day.  He ate the wackiest shitty foods.  He was also a smoker and a coffee drinker, as was my mom.  Exercise was not something I ever saw either of them do.

I don't smoke, and never have.  I'm not a big snacker, I don't care much for potato chips, or greasy foods, and I am fairly active at work running up and down the stairs all day.  So, maybe I'm not terribly bad off, but I'm certainly no model athlete.  This is the only body I got.  If I wear it out before I'm 50… then I'm an idiot.  Plain and simple.  I certainly don't want to live forever - or even have a staff of people change my underpants at age 90, but I would like to see another 37 years, at least.

I used to joke that when I got to 75 I would throw myself down a flight of stairs to make sure I didn't get too old and burden others around me.  After this reassessment of my life, I think I'm gonna shoot for 85 now.  I'd still hate to be a burden.

Wish me luck.

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