Whenever I read about these giant Apple conferences (like Macworld or WWDC) it feels a lot like a weird ceremony attended by a bunch of crazy cult members. This week is WWDC (I think that stands for World Wide Developer’s Conference - but I’m no expert). The all holy supreme leader Steve Jobs will probably talk about the iPhone, and OSX Leopard. Rumor has it there’s a new iMac coming out - but the Apple world is full of rumors.

Now, I like Apple as much as the next guy… but, shit… it’s just a computer. These people are all super crazy about it. I wonder how many of them have fantasized about a a threesome with Steve Jobs and an iPod Nano. I don’t know, I guess that’s okay. It’s good to like things… here’s a link to better illustrate my thoughts: http://www.engadget.com/2007/06/11/steve-jobs-live-from-wwdc-2007/

Okay… I gotta stop typing… Steve’s about to start talking.

Well, we went to see Colin Hay in Phoenix. The venue was the Cave Creek Coffee Company, a small outdoor stage behind the adjacent coffee house. The crowd was this mid to late-40s urban professional, post baby boomer crowd. Anyway, during the opening act, Venice Maki (who was very good I might add) the two chatterboxes in front of us kept talking and talking and talking and talking. Finally the guy sitting in front of them turned around and said, “You guys are loud”. They thought this was hilarious! They couldn’t believe that someone told them to pipe down. I think they laughed about it for the next 3 songs. Bitches. After Venice Maki was done they quieted down - finally.

Now, this coffee house doesn’t just serve coffee. They also sell beer and wine (at least at their shows). It was about 8pm and Colin Hay was just introduced. “Aussie Aussie Aussie - Oi Oi Oi!” seemed to be chanted quite a bit before, during and after the show that night. I think pumping these lightweights full of booze and making them sit on metal folding chairs for 3 hours is not the best of ideas.

But, it wasn’t just the chanting and the yappers in front of me.. It was also this guy sitting next to me. He had this HUGE camera. And the flash was SO bright. He must have taken 100 pictures. All from his seat. Seriously, one hundred. They’re all going to look exactly the same! Move around a little - get some variety. Sure, I’m all for snapping a few pictures, and I can handle some flash in my eyes every now and then, so that a fan get a good shot. But, really… a hundred shots that are all the same - at the expense of my retinas? Lordy!

But none of this was the worst. The crazy drunken chick behind me was the worst. As the night progressed, the drunker, stupider, and louder she became. She was so in awe… “I can’t believe how good this is.” and “I can’t believe you know all the words to these songs - you’re so young” she said to someone that was sitting next to her, gradually louder and louder she became. Then she would try to sing along, but her lack of musical sense would slap her on the face. What an annoyance. The icing on the cake was someone in our row turned around to her and said, “Can you shut up?”. Her response was, “I don’t think so! Can you lose weight?”. Genius - Bitches (again).

Unluckily, for me, I bootlegged the show. So now I have her blathering drunken retardedness etched in my memories forever. I guess the lesson learned was - don’t see a show at Cave Creek Coffee Company. Their clientèle are not used to drinking and/or being out in public, the folding metal chairs are really, really uncomfortable, and there seems to be only one bathroom for everyone to use.

Nice.

If you go to a show and it looks like you might be sitting behind these two… Run!

Over the past week the D5 conference went down somewhere. I don’t know much about it. I do know that it was a high tech conference with a lot of big tech names there. Like Bill Gates, and Steve Jobs, and Steve Ballmer, etc…

But, I saw that Stephen Colbert made a (pre recorded) appearance there to introduce the Chairman of Viacom. It’s okay that you don’t give a crap about tech stuff… Stephen Colbert is a funny fucker:

http://video.allthingsd.com/?bcpid=716692140&bclid=756513564&bctid=933742942

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