Can I turn off the mail? I’m not talking email… I mean USPS. I
don’t need it. Really. It’s all junk, and bills. I’m not too
interested in the junkmail… or the bills for that matter. It just
gathers all over the place, and then I gotta throw it out at some
point. I guess I could take down the mailbox, then they couldn’t
deliver it anymore. It’s really not needed. This is 2007. I don’t
need crap hand delivered to me. Unless I buy something online, but we
usually have that shipped to Tiff’s work - in fact we prefer that.
What about people who send letters? No one sends letters. Everyone
sends email, or e-cards or text messages or whatever. And that’s fine.
That way I don’t have to deal with the guilt of throwing away the
cards I get for my birthday.

Today I got the most retardedest thing in the mailbox, ever. It’s a
survey for Chevron/Texaco customers. Not a survey about gas, or
driving, car care or anything like that. But a survey about dental
habits. What the hell is this all about? Dental habits? How does
that equate to Chevron? But here’s the icing on the cake… they
were giving out thank you gifts for completing the survey. One of the
‘gifts’ was included in the survey - “smile stickers”. They weren’t
stickers at all.. they were stamps. You had to lick the back to make
them stick. Stamps with cartoon apples, giant smiles and shit all
over them. The other ‘gifts’ included an AM-FM Boom Box. Don’t be
fooled - this thing couldn’t boom if it had explosive diarrhea. The
handle was about half the length of the radio. Which means, the radio
is only 2 hands long. It’s super tiny. No cassette, no CD, just
AM-FM. It’s features included a telescoping antenna, and of course,
the handle. The other ‘gift’ was a digital calculator with a “crystal
clear” screen. Really? A 50 cent calculator? Crap crap crap… the
rest of today’s mail included 2 credit card offers, and a bill.

Who needs it? I don’t. Screw the mail - literally. But how does one
live as the only person on the planet who doesn’t participate in “the
mail”. Imagine trying to get a car loan. The salesman is filling out
your info and asks for your address… you can’t say, “yeah, I don’t
get mail - so don’t bother”, or “my address is none of your business”.
That’s not gonna get you far in the car buying world. So, to that
end… we’re stuck. We HAVE to get mail. You can cancel your land line,
your cell, your email… all of which are far more efficient means of
communication. But you can’t get rid of the mail.

Damnit.
-MMS

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